thankfull

friend

2011-04-10T17:51:00.000+07:00

i thought we can be friend forever
i though we will care each other
i thought we can always talk to each other
i thought u will not forget me

it just... i dont understand
why wouldnt u reply my message, such a simple thing, dont you think?
and because that simple things, i simply get worries
hmm,,yes maybe im the one who wrong, but thats not the only one i think about
i was wondering why you being nonchalant to me?
that what i thought bout you now and other things to..
you make me guessing anything bad bout me,
but thanks for that, somehow i feel like i realize a liitle bit more about myself
and i know that i should be a better person/self
am i being bad, am i being su'udzon? do you hate me? what should i do, so that i can be khusnudzon?

sesungguhnya hanya Alloh SWT yg Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu
im sorry i just can say, please forgive me if im the one who always wrong....
friend :)

Fact about brain

2011-04-10T17:40:00.001+07:00

hi im just sharing some information, from Mr. Brain :

The human brain weights about 1400 grams. Dissolved in 1400 ml are five billion nerve cells. In one seconds it can transmit electro-magnetic waves two trillion times. However, most people use only 5% of their brain’s power. It is still an unknown organ. The sea squirt was the first living thing to have a brain. Well, it’s more accurate to say that it is the simple organism with a nervous system.

You will fail if you just use your left brain to think. That type of human will easily get lost.

Left brain function :

uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

right brain function :

uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous

risk taking

how to use optimally your two sides brain :

This link have interesting game. From that link i found my right brain are dominant than my left brain, but then i anxious to find out so the dancer can turn to anti-clockwise. At first i think is impossible to round conversely, but i try again to be focused on the move, hmm just let ur eyes taken along by the move (a little spacing out with focus on the move maybe) and it will be round conversely. Happy trying,,, :D

And it says that our brain (left and right) always intend to war with each other, i give you an example of my "brain war" in the end of this post.

Human use their right brain to process their left side’s vision. The right side’s vision is processed by the left brain. And it’s the right brain that usually determines gender. So when the left half is a woman, the brain will determine is a woman. If it were a man, it would be determined to be a man. In other words if you want others to feel that you’re more feminine or masculine, just stay in their left field of vision. Yeah!

Nb : for woman, you should pay more attention to the makeup on your right side. :D

How to know when a person is lying or not? You can tell it without checking brain activity. When lying, the human brain has a lot more activity on the left side. In order for the lie not to contradict anything, it has to match the memory and also think logically. The left brain is also the one that processes the right view. That’s why when a person is lying, he will unconsciously look to the right.

“The brain cannot lie”

Something that one has seen before and then sees again will make the hippocampus react. Hippocampus brain pict?

To help your brain work, it’s best to eat something sweet. Nerve cells need sugar for energy, but can’t produce it, so you need to make up for that.

my "brain war" example :

right brain : i love him,,,so..much, my one and only love,,,(start to imagine-fantasy, smile on own self)

left brain : huh!! what is love exactly? define the word love!

right b : mm,, im not sure, its about what we feel, not we think. Everyone can feel it. Don't you?

left b : love is (from what i heard) flash feel that suddenly appear in your heart that can make your thought unclear

rb : ok

lb : so that love! just like that! what a dissapoinment result!

rb : ok.... :( (still looking the answer that can make lb lose)

lb : do u want to know something that can make love longlast forever?

rb : yes! (straightly to the point)

lb : its affection in action! do u think u have it?!

rb : wat is that? affection in action??! just affection is enough to say! what a weird brain... i have it, i have affection for him, i care him, i want to know all about him, i want to save him from this world!(suddenly feel like a Hero) if i have no affection, i wont be cry like this!

lb : ok, so how about him? did he have affection tou you?

rb : (shocked, dont know what to say?!) i dont know. That's on his side, who knows other hearts? you cant be sure if he have it or not!!

lb : haha,, that's it! i know the conclusion, that's one sided love, poor you. Just forget it, what the point anyway....

rb : .......... :(

Though my right brain is dominan but for something like this and maybe other thing,,,in the end my left brain still won,, hiks hiks forgive me heart.. makes you broke,,,as long as my right brain is on, it possible that my heart will broke again and cry again. by the way Alloh SWT creatures just so.. amazing!! even for now, brain is still a mystery for many people, Masha Alloh, Subhanallah. What do you think?

sorry dont take my 'brain war' so seriously.. i think im a little bit crazy at that time, hihihi!!

my friends wedding

2011-04-10T17:32:00.001+07:00

everytime my friend is married i always feel this kind of feeling,,,mix sad and happy feelings that cant be change! (hayyah lebay) ofcourse the happiness be the 1st but i have that kind of feeling,,,a feeling that make me feel lose my friend,, a half of her... :( (don't leave me...). even my friend say that actualy im not losing 1/2 but 3/4 of her,,, that more than little for me!! :(,,, the split is 1st Alloh SWT 2nd parent 3rd her husband 4th me

A pray for the bride and bridegroom :
"Baarokalloohu laka wa baaraka 'alayka wa jama'a baynakumaa fi khoiir."
“Mudah-mudahan Allah memberi keberkahan untukmu dan mengumpulkan kalian berdua dalam kebajikan."
"Hope Alloh gives blessings to you and collect you both in virtue."

thanks for being my friend, friends is somebody who made me who iam, what i think, how i getting over with something (beside family, because i live outside home many time) etc. many things i have learn from u guys hehehe...

my personality type

2011-04-10T17:26:00.000+07:00

wanna know your personality? check this

update bunny condition

2011-04-04T16:43:00.000+07:00

bismillah

aah,, pio diare lagi,,, bt deh,,,gimana sih ngerawat kelinci biar sehat selalu?? sekarang dia lemes lagi, bawaanya turu terus...sebel,,,
sedangkan persey n popo lagi heboh manjat2 n gigit kertas,,jd terpaksa semua barang yg bisa digigit ku keluarkan/kujauhkan dari jangkauan mereka,,rencana beliin kardus bekas aja biar bisa digigit sebebas bebasnya ama mereka...furniture kamarpun ku desain khusus supaya mereka ga bisa manjat,hahaha semoga hasilnya memuaskan alias mrk ga bisa naik2 manjat lagi...

klinci.. klinci,,mbok ya ngerti dikit prasaan ur owner gitu loh! dikiit aja,,ga minta banyak2 kok,,,terus makanan juga dah 2 hari belum abis2,,,plis deh kalian klinci... klo dikasih makanan dimakan dong,,jgn memubazirkan makanan,,ga baik tau,,, Alloh ga suka sama makhluk yg berlebihan/memubazirkan sesuatu..sebenernya sih mungkin karena suka ama makanan yg mahal itu giliran dikasih yg murah jd pilih2,,,ihh sebelll!!

doa meminta perlindungan dari berbagai penyakit : "Allahumma inni a'udzu bika minal-barashi wal-jununi wal-judzami wamin sayyi'il-asqam" artinya Ya Alloh, aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari penyakit celup, penyakit gila, penyakit kusta dan penyakit-penyakit buruk lainnya.

nb: maaf kosakata-grammar kacau,,coz yg nulis sedang bt + radang tenggorokan(batuk,pilek,pusing,suara sexy). Buat my bunnies,,,hidup sehat yah,,semoga diridhoi Alloh SWT.

Alhamdulillah,,,

Lyon rabbit

2011-03-04T10:52:00.001+07:00

Bout Popo and Persey part 1

2011-02-28T13:23:00.000+07:00

first time experience being a mom for Popo and Persey is restless, nervous, despondent hehehe that words very pleonastic,,, later i put pictures of them here,,,

Happy because a new opportunity

2011-02-23T11:59:00.000+07:00

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim
Hamasah for a new chance, Alhamdulillahirobbil'alamin for hearing and granting our prays, and now i have to fight with all my strength to become a stronger woman to face my little world in this 'ardillah'

(MALY)
Ku mencari kata puji
(I searched for words to praise You with)
Buat menemani zikir hati
(Words to instill Your remembrance in my heart)
Namun tiada kalam yang pasti
(But no words are assuring enough)
Yang sesuci kalam ini
(As sacred as these)
Subhan Allah, Wa alhamdulillah, la illaha il Allah, wa Allahu Akbar
(Sami Yusuf lyric-source)

Bai-White, Vic Zhou

2011-01-14T02:13:00.000+07:00

This song :
Secretly collecting your smiles;
Lightly inadvertent holding your hands
Deeply love you in this seasonal wind
Like natural breathing no need to describe
The freedom of a White Dove fly (and) a peaceful Lily
The sky looks like cotton candy flower
All remind me of your pure gentleness

*The purest white in you is the most I love
Simple, but a color of happiness
(I) can have once (I) open my arms
Your pure smiles replace the glamorous rainbow
(and) have become more beautiful and meaningful
The purest white in your world is the most I love
A comfortable and free color
Deeply breathe your warmness
When the snow falls in winter, please be with me
Let the hopeful white gown cover the upcoming future
Give love the purely white dream

The wind is blowing at the dandelion
The rich bubbles in coffee
Recording how we falls in love on the paper
all has reminded me of your pure gentleness

Repeat *

Like an dedicated snowman hand-in-hand waits
and protects (our) everlasting love
Give you the purest white dream
Give love the purest white dream
Source

Monday notes

2011-01-04T01:53:00.003+07:00

quote of the day before today :
baby, when a heart is crying, its sometimes feels like dying, the tear drops fall like rain
(try again, westlife)

update bout this day

2011-01-03T15:07:00.000+07:00

this day 3 january 2011, 3 PM, the weather is very rain at Yogyakarta. The thunder is so loud, it is scary, this kind of thunder makes me shock, everytime disaster happening in here that kind of big thunder sound always following. Earth quake 2006, Merapi volcano 2010, and now just the rain but why the sound is so loud...so big... Let's just pray :)

Mario Teguh, talk about man and woman

2011-01-03T02:43:00.000+07:00

Jangan salahkan wanita yang memilih calon pasangannya
dengan sangat berhati-hati.
Do not blame a woman who pick out her mate
with very carefully

Menikah itu seperti membeli mobil,
...lebih mudah membeli daripada merawatnya.
Get married is like buying a car,
...its easier to bought than take care of it.

Dan dalam perjalanan hidup pernikahan
yang tidak selalu datar dan indah, yang bisa juga bermasalah dan sedih itu;
And in a journey of marriage
which isn't always flat and beauty, which can be troublesome and sad too;

kita membutuhkan pikiran yang bersih, hati yang bening, dan fisik yang sehat
we need a clean mind, clear heart, and healthy physic

untuk sampai dengan selamat, sejahtera, dan bahagia.
to be arrive with safe, prosperous, and happily.

Mario Teguh

Di saat-saat awal dari percintaan,
sepasang pria dan wanita menemukan keindahan
dengan...MEMANDANGI SATU SAMA LAIN.
At the beginning of romance,
a pair of man and woman found a beauty
with...LOOK AT EACH OTHER SELF.

Setelah beberapa saat, mereka mulai melihat
sumber kekecewaan pada diri satu sama lain.
After some moment, they start to seeing
the source of disappoinment on each other self.

Dan mulailah kenyataan yang tak pernah terbayang itu
menguat dan menggalaukan hati masing-masing.
And began the truth which never been imagined
stronger and confusing each other heart.

Padahal,mereka akan dibahagiakan
jika mereka saling mengasihi dan bersama-sama
MEMANDANG KE MASA DEPAN.
whereas, they will be happy
if they compassionated each other and together
LOOKING AT THE FUTURE.

Mario Teguh

Bagi seorang pria, tidak ada penyerahan diri
yang lebih indah daripada penyerahan diri kepada wanita
yang dicintainya. ...
For a man, no surrender
which more beautifull than a surrender to a woman
which he loves....

Namun,
However,

Seberapa besar penyerahan pria
kepada wanita, bergantung kepada wanitanya.
How big a man's surrender
to a woman, depend on the woman.

Pria akan senang dikuasai oleh wanita yang membentuknya
menjadi pribadi yang besar.
A man will be happily domain by a woman who shaping him
to become a great person.

Wanita yang menuntut untuk dimulaikan oleh prianya,
haruslah wanita yang memuliakan prianya.
A woman who demand to be venerable by her man,
it must a woman who venerable her man.

Kehidupan ini adil.
This life is fair.

Mario Teguh

Mario Teguh, let's talk about love!

2011-01-02T23:20:00.000+07:00

this just a collection from Mario Teguh words which I love :

Janganlah kau letihkan dirimu
dengan perburuan tak pasti untuk
menemukan cinta yang sempurna.
don't you tired out yourself
with unsure hunt for
finding a perfect love

Kesadaran mu yang dimabukkan
......oleh lamunan cinta itu, akan semakin
terasing dari kenyataan hidup.
your intoxicate consciousness
......with that fantasy of love, will more and more
isolate from the fact of life.

Ketahuilah …
Know it ...

Keindahan cinta hanya hinggap di hatimu,
jika engkau mencintai dia yang mencintaimu.
The beauty of love only will descend upon your heart,
if you loved he who loves you.

Janganlah berletih-hati
mencari yang terbaik untuk kau cintai.
Don't be tired-heart
looking for the best to get love by you.

Jadilah yang terbaik bagi yang mencintaimu.
Be the best for who loves you

Mario Teguh

Berlakulah dengan kelembutan
yang Anda harapkan Anda terima
dari orang yang Anda cintai.
Behave with a tenderness
which you hope you will accept it
from the person you loved

Anda terlalu sibuk
...merindukan balasan cinta
dari orang yang Anda cintai,
sehingga mengabaikan
kemungkinan hidup yang indah
bersama orang yang mencintai Anda.
You are too busy
...yearning the love response
from the person you loved,
until ignored
the possibility of beautifull life
with the person who loves you.

Apakah orang yang Anda cintai itu
pasti akan membahagiakan Anda?
Is the person you love
sure will makes you happy?

Hmm …

Bukankah mungkin saja
orang yang mencintai Anda itu
akan lebih memuliakan Anda?
Isn't it possible
that person who loves you
will glorify you more?

Mario Teguh

Pilunya hati dari orang yang sedang jatuh cinta,
adalah karena akutnya keinginan untuk diinginkan.
Broken hearted from the person who fall in love,
is because the acute desire to be desirable

Jika ternyata dia tidak diinginkan
hatinya akan tenggelam
...dalam perasaan terbuang.
If it turn out he's undesirable
his heart will drowning
...in a castaway feeling

Sesungguhnya yang dibutuhkan
adalah rasa hormat kepada diri sendiri
yang lebih sehat, yang tidak menggantungkan
kebahagiaan kepada persetujuan orang lain.
The truth which is needed
is respect to one's own
which more healthy, which not dependent
a happiness for other person approval

Cinta itu indah
jika tidak, ia juga tidak akan se-menyiksa itu.
Love is beautifull
if not, it won't be that torture.

Mario Teguh

what do you think is love? is it beautifull or is it beautyFool?? whatever is it, its not just about what you choose, it is the reason behind it and what you'll do about it. nantte ne,,, hehe

new years, pain, book, haircut

2011-01-01T02:22:00.000+07:00

This new year i get pain on my left shoulder, it starts exactly 30th dec 2010 because of some accident, i cant lifted my hand vertically. And if i bent it too much it hurt too,,, still can live my life normally but it take me more time to just take off my own t-shirt from my self because of that pain hiks hiks it hurt, on 1st experience it very hard for me to wear my hijab :( but now i have my own way (miring miring gitu.. kayak lagi senam skj). And I cant sleep well, my hand became a little fever, weird. I still can feel the friction with a little sound of it. Hope this pain will gone soon, so i can swim again.

So welcoming this new year I buy 3 new books, 1 comic, 1 novel, and 1 wisdom book,,hehe because that book store give 30% discount till today 31 dec 2010. Actually i almost forgot that discount and fortunately i remember this evening.

and,,,finally i cut my hair again after 1 year ago, short haircut is so.... refresing.

picture above is not me :D cuman pengen masang foto song hye kyo aja, biar agak keren, haghag...

New year like other people i have another hope too,,many much hope and pray,, for my self and family. By the way, iam so hungry right now, ill cook spagetti again this morning hihi

Rinitis Alergika

2010-12-31T15:47:00.000+07:00

aaachiim!!! merasa sering bersin-bersin? flu? pilek? hampir setiap hari? setiap bangun tidur? setiap udara terlalu dingin? setiap terlalu banyak terkena debu? hiks hiks itu yang saya alami selama 2 atau 3 tahun belakangan ini, dan setelah saya googling-googling akhirnya saya menemukan bahwa saya terkena rinitis alergika (diagnosis terhadap diri sendiri, belum ke dokter soalnya). ini hasil googlingan-nya :

Gejala :

Bersin berulangkali, terutama setelah bangun tidur pada pagi hari.
Hidung meler dan postnasal drip. Cairan yang keluar dari hidung meler yang disebabkan alergi biasanya bening dan encer, tetapi dapat menjadi kental dan putih keruh atau kekuning-kuningan jika berkembang menjadi infeksi hidung atau infeksi sinus.
Mata gatal, berair.
Telinga, hidung, dan tenggorokan gatal.

Alergen penyebab rinitis alergika :

Pohon, rumput, dan pollen adalah penyebab paling sering rhinitis alergika. Tungau debu rumah, bulu binatang, kecoak, dan mold juga dapat menyebabkan rhinitis alergika. Anda mungkin juga alergi terhadap sesuatu zat yang ada di lingkungan kerja seperti debu kayu, bahan-bahan kimia, dll.

Kalau anda alergi terhadap pollen, gejala anda mungkin hanya timbul beberapa kali dalam setahun. Jika anda alergi terhadap tungau debu rumah dan alergen indoor lainnya, anda mungkin akan mempunyai gejala yang timbul sepanjang tahun.

Cara mengobati rinitis alergika :

Dokter anda akan mengobati rhinitis alergika dengan membantu anda untuk menghindari atau mengendalikan alergen dan dengan menggunakan obat-obatan untuk mengkontrol gejala-gejala anda. Jika ini semua tidak membantu, dokter anda mungkin akan menyarankan suntikan immunotherapy. Ini adalah suntikan alergi dimana alergen yang menyebabkan anda alergi, disuntikkan ke bawah kulit anda, tentunya dalam dosis sangat kecil. Ini akan membuat tubuh anda terbiasa dengan alergen itu sehingga anda hanya akan mengalami gejala yang lebih sedikit dan lebih ringan. Ada juga yang menggunakan cara akupuntur untuk menyembuhkan penyakit ini.

Sebenernya saya belum nyoba cara pengobatannya lho,,hehe soalnya prediksi sendiri sih, jadi yakin nggak yakin deh. Btw ini Link1, link2 sumber dari googling, silakan dilihat untuk keterangan yang lebih jelas dan detail, juga bisa bertanya langsung ke ahlinya lho.... hehe

fear of marriage,,, me?!

2010-12-30T23:32:00.000+07:00

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live
(the rose, westlife)

As we all knows fear of marriage called gamophobia, google source : gamophobia is

An exaggerated or irrational fear of marriage.

Val Paterson

(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) 'When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence.
Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' -
Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

Gamophobia is caused by incremental personal experiences and the observation of the effects of marriage on others, usually manifesting after age 25. There is a perceived danger that marriage will be harmful to the individual and is compounded by investigation to confirm the perceived danger and through first hand accounts of the damage marriage has wrought to friends, family and their extended network of adequatenesses. The fear grows with age and experience. Gamophobia is more prevalent in men because the perceived danger is far greater socially, financially, legally and personally.

Symptoms of Gamophobia

The list of medical symptoms mentioned in various sources for Gamophobia may include:

Married is a sunnah in Islam, complete your deen. Therefore if someone afraid to get married thats becoming a problem, fear of marriage/gamophobia. I dont know if i ever get this phobia, i hope not, it really isnt good phobia for anyone (emang ada phobia yg bagus?!). But i just realize in my beginning 20th when someone trying to make a serious relationship with me. So when his parent talk to my parent about letting me and him know each other so that we can go to the 'marriage' direction. Then suddenly my though start imagining all the bad thing i fear, at the same time i started to think,,,(because im so scared of heart breaking feelings), what if he turn out to be a bad man?! what if he really know me and then start to dislike me?! what if he changed when he's married?! what if he is actually not a good man?! all man in this world is just the same!! and another prejudice. So i decided not to keep it up, so sorry for him, its all because of me, my fear, n still not ready for being a wife with all the responsibility (i still need a lot of ilmu for being a good wife and mother so do being daughter in law). I became unsure and afraid bout anything bad can happen next. Maybe the most scary thing i scared is separated anytime, anywhere... and being alone (na'udzubillahi min dzaliik)

Is that means iam a gamophobia? maybe a little,,, if i scored it 1-10 then maybe iam still around at level 1. Then i try to analyze what makes me gamophobia :

1. reading a book about wifes notes, most of it is sad notes who have unfaithful/bad husband or parent in law, maybe just 3 title notes which contain happy story, but ends with tears too,,, hiks hiks.

2. scared bout living without my parents, i think i dont know what to do without them, i admitted it that iam being a little spoiled.

3. maybe because i never have good relationship with boys. when i was childhood i always intend to fight with boys. :P

And heal this phobia is not easy, depend on itself i think, even though there are many drugs to help yourself overcome that phobia.

By the way i found a chinese film that brought up this gamophobia problem : the four cupids by Alec Su and Yan Danchen. Im not watch yet this movie...

In the end as a human, because we cant predict what will happen in the future, we just can keep to survive-trying, and its important to always praying and believe in Alloh subhanahu wa ta'ala. We got to keep our faith alive.....!

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose

(the rose, westlife)

nb : rini who still afraid of this

afraid of animal

2010-12-28T17:28:00.000+07:00

nb : rini still trying to gather braveness

orangutan sad love story

2010-12-12T23:38:00.000+07:00

7th dec'10 was hijriah new years. Go to the zoo, gembira loka, yogyakarta with friends. Seeing animals can make us realize how great Alloh subhanahu wa ta'ala creatures, and really thankfull for HIS love and affection to me, Alhamdulillahirobbil'alamin. When i arrived at orangutan/pongo pygmaeus shelter i get rapture by their style when walking, because it look like a human (aduh ketauan deh ndesonya gw :3), but they face look so sad and pathetique, so i feel sad too (easily get smitten with that kind of face). There are orang utan mother, father, and child at the shelter.

so i was watching elephant while im in front of orangutan shelter, but somehow suddenly people crowded around orangutan shelter, they wondering "what orangutan doing?" at first nothing special i think, the father was on ground while watching something and then seems like he get bored, maybe give up and then go back to his room.

and then while the father climb to his room, the mother and child climb down bring a rubber tire rope that she prepared before.

after she on the ground she try to clucthed that thing. But she can't! and then she move forward until finally she go down to the water while her child waiting hopefully.

and then she try, try, and try, and more try, and much more try, while me, my friends, and people around the shelter are watching them and hope she will get it,,,, but unfortunately she cant :( hiks hiks (my eyes get so teary while watching them, but alhamdulillah im not crying, hehe so ashame if i really cry in public, cukup sudah 1 pengalaman menangis di klinik kampus). And the thing that they trying to get is this thing.

orangutan child want a doll too,,, hiks2, sabar yah orangutan, semoga kalian selalu senang dan bahagia.....Alhamdulillahirobbil'alamin...thank you Alloh iam a human.

Hwanhee Hwayobi :D

2010-12-11T00:31:00.000+07:00

love this couple
though they not together now :( i still love this gaettongie couple!!! they match each other well and very attractive, first time i saw them on korean reality show 'we got married' in 2008. Still hope they can be together again, hehe, now i can only listen to their song : hwanhee song Nan (I...) hwayobi song Nan gateun yojaneun (a woman like me) love that 2 song!!!! pict here is their pasca wedding picture session to celebrate their 100 day of marriage :D neomu neomu kyopta..... im dreaming,,dreaming they will be 2gether agaiiiin,,,

Hwayobi english translation lyric Nan gateun yojaneun (a woman like me) :

words that Iam so attractive, words that Iam so nice
a word where do I live, words nice to hear
it's not about me, it might be just for fun
even though loves comes, I push it away like a habit
a unknown phone call at 2am
I don't run to it. I don't want to wake up, it's not you
without any reason I drink
only my beating heart exactly remembers you

a woman like me
is easily moved to tears, have many hurts
which makes people to leave
a woman like me
is too stupid to play love games
even being loved is difficult

I know i'll be hurt, I know you'll be leaving
even so why Iam touching you, why is my heart attracted to you
tears are dry so I don't feel any pain
if I keep living like this, I would forget the way to love
without you it was comfortable for a while
because I liked to be alone I loved friends more, I stayed that way
if I meet a new one
I could be madly in love, I was confident

a woman like me
is easily moved to tears, have many hurts
which makes people to leave
a woman like me
is too stupid to play love games
even being loved is difficult

love was easy and separating was nothing for me
but now iam crashing down

a woman like me
has nothing to show off, is lack of sense
can't approach a person first
a woman like me
can do well, but fears to be not loved when love starts
and fears to be separated anytime

Hwanhee english translation lyric Nan (I...) :

I can't lift my head up,
I don't have the courage to see you
I can't make a sound
I don't have the cofidence to call you
this intense love is still remaining in me
I don't have the courage to erase you because...
when I wake up I feel like I'm dreaming so I cry like a fool

I'm breathless, I can't erase you
after i cry , I don't know how to pretend not to know you
I can't forget you because I miss you
I think i can reach u, I think so

I can't leave here
so that you can see me
I can't hide my love
that's growing bigger for u to come to me

I'm breathless, I can't erase you
after i cry , I don't know how to pretend not to know you
I can't forget you because i miss you
I think I can reach u, I think so

even though I tolerate and cut you
I still look for you like this

if only I can see you close even just for a day
if i can have you in my arms even in my dreams
if i can feel you at least once
I call u like this, I call you like this...
I...

Let's keep the faith alive,, hihi :)

my new tooth :D

2010-12-03T13:02:00.001+07:00

iam 23 year old and will have a new tooth, di sebelah kanan bagian atas ujung dalam, belum tumbuh seutuhnya, baru sedikit saja. first time experience when it get licked with my tongue i thought it was a waste food, but when i push it,,, so hard, difficult, troubled, it bothersome!!! so i decided touch it with my finger... and it turn out to be a small new teeth, so... okay i get it.
but i dont feel toothache in my past day before this, but a little headache i think (maybe that's the reason why) . still feel weird till now...

melawan kesepian

2010-11-25T15:00:00.000+07:00

Merasa sendiri, ingin semangat, butuh dukungan
Berharap ada yang mendorong semangatku
Or just someone to stay with me, just to talk with,,,
Wanna hear wise word that can built up my spirit
The weather in my heart is raining,,,
Not like the rain weather in this city which I love,
its feel pitiful, just so sad 4 myself
Afraid to be alone, eventhough I need more time for being alone
To think everything that I've done,,,
My faith... Where did u go?
My believe... Why did u leave me? Or is it me being egoist

quote...

2010-11-24T11:05:00.000+07:00

1st try from my BB phone,,,quote of the day: kebahagiaan itu bukanlah sulap. Jika seperti itu adanya, maka kebahagiaan tak lagi bermakna (Dr. Abdullah 'Aidh al-Qarni). Happiness isn't a magic. If that's the way, then happiness will be no meanings

its my fam

2010-11-15T22:21:00.000+07:00

For mother, father, and sister (kok rasanya ndeso yo?)

Untuk ibu, bapak, dan adikku (nah ini baru gaul!)

I want to show you my feelings, this just the part of them

Mother,

You always stood behind me, love me in any ways you can. You know I love you, but I think you don’t know how much. I love you much more from times and times and until another time, another hard and happy time, my love is getting stronger. I won’t be separated from you

Father,

You think I don’t love you, once you have that sort of thing. But you don’t know, how can I am be me, how can I stand in this life. Did you know? The way I walk-the way my attitude, it’s you. The way I talk-the way I speak, it’s just another word from you. You influence me

My sister,

My only one sibling, my world without you is desolate. You bring me happiness, even though you don’t realize it. You make me recognize many things, makes me open my eyes and my mind. I always pray you will be a better ‘Alloh servant’ away much more than just a-me. My mistakes is your learn.

From your daughter - sister with a lot of love for the sake of Alloh SWT.

Alloh… thank you for give me this family, thank you for not making me lonely. I know you give me lot of unsubstitute things, I am sorry for being a bad-naughty servant. Love

For my future family, I hope I’ll meet you soon.. I am being so melancholy in early morning je... jadi malu….(cengar-cengir sendiri).

Yogyakarta, 20 oktober 2010

miracle of tahajud-doa

2010-11-15T22:11:00.000+07:00

Bismillahirohmanirrohim

This time I really want to write about the miracle of tahajjud, tahajjud is very incredible right? Praying when Alloh SWT down to the 1/3 lowest sky, at that time Alloh will grant all your wishes (all dreams comes true), we can pray for many things at that time, and as far as I do tahajud, believe it or not HE always show me the way!!! And…. For yesterday tahajud I pray, pray and pray for many thing!. I can’t write all of my pray but I will let you know one thing about my pray,,,, that is make me have a close relationship with my friends, because of new rules at my dorm, this year I have a lot of new friends at my dorm, and I can’t be close with friends in a short time, it takes me more times and times to close to somebody. Ck, just when I got used to my old friends!!! But I am sure it’s for our beneficence. By the way, I am not a hater of close relationships, actually I love to make a very close relationship, new friends, new conversation, new thing, and lot of new etc. :P

Then……. (Sempet lupa beberapa saat ni)

But I know, not all my wishes just comes true in 1 day of course, because I am sure Alloh prepare many thing for me to let me know many thing 1^st, before HE grant it, or exchanging it with a lot more better thing. And back to my pray, that pray ‘close relationship’ thing (for the sake of Alloh SWT certainly) its granted!!! It is!! *Waa oettoke oettoke, doshio doshio* (maaf gw abis keracunan Korean and Japan dorama) I just make a loo00ng conversation with my friend (hehe berseri-seri) and makes me know many thing, that we are have many difference and many similarity. I feel amazing, sugoi ne! kakoi… (haha I really feel like a beginner for a close relationship, maybe I need a “close relationship book for dumb” :D). so so so….. iam very happy, every time I pray to have a close relationship with friends (girls/woman for sure!), Alloh always show me the way! And 1 more thing, it makes me realize that I still have a little part of ‘ilmu’ L oh my Lord why did you always confront me with another smart people,,,, (but I think I still have to thank full right?! :D )

Did u guys know? One of the ungranted pray that Alloh won’t ever ever, never make it comes true, it is ‘to broke a relationship’-memutuskan tali silaturahim! so if you have any pray that will turn to broke relationship that will never happen!. And maybe (just my own conclusion) because my pray is a contradicted, it is granted 100% hahaha (wallahu a’lam bisshowab) I think it’s okay for being optimistic. Do’a/pray is really important, once it said ‘we can change fate with a pray’ that.. much from what I heard.

Huff why did I decided to write in English!!? It takes me hour!! But that’s okay because in the end I finished it! Yayyy – if I.. should stay.. and I.. will always love you… (loh kok jadi nulis bginian? terpengaruh lagu yg lagi didengerin nih!) gabruxx

Nb : * don’t take it seriously-cuekin ajah

() part of the sound of my heart-bahasa khayangan

i dont know, if its......

2009-05-03T20:56:00.000+07:00

Dah punya cowok belum?
Mana cowoknya, kenalin dong!
Kapan nikah?

Akhir-akhir ini banyak orang yang nanya pertanyaan itu ke aku, nggak temen sma, sd, smp, bos tempat kerja praktek, bule’ pa’le’ bude pa’de,,semua lah,,apa sih mau mereka?!!!(ups,,aku terlalu berlebihan kali ya…)
Ya bukan gitu juga sih,, aku tahu mereka ingin yang terbaik dari aku, ingin aku bahagia, ingin yang terbaik untukku (masa sih…) but then, do u all realize…? Seeking a man 4 being my friend forever is not that easy, sebenernya aku ga punya criteria yang sulit, aku nggak memberi nilai seseorang dalam keadaan fisiknya, lagipula itu semua akan menjadi tidak adil untuk dibandingkan… (mang apa siii kriterianya??? Ehm ehm)
Menikah itu penting! Itu adalah salah satu sunnah Rasulullah SAW. Dan Insha ALLAH aku akan melaksanakannya juga suatu saat nanti AMIN ya Robbal ‘alamin…. Tapi tau nggak sih kalau ada hal lain yang tidak kalah pentingnya dibanding pernikahan yang juga harus dipersiapkan dari sekarang, detik ini yaitu kematian! The death! Saat kita meninggal! Wafat! Setelah itu ada keabadian yang menanti kita dan kita akan ditempatkan di suatu tempat, yang mana baik atau buruknya tempat itu akan ditentukan dari amal kita sendiri, perbuatan yang telah kita lakukan selama hidup di dunia (apa kalimat itu terdengar tidakmasuk akal?!), tapi ketika kujadikan alasan tersebut untuk menjawab pertanyaan orang-orang yang bertanya padaku di awal tadi, lalu mereka bilang “jangan munafik, manusia butuh cinta, pernikahan” kurang lebihnya begitu. Dan ya, memang benar, aku akui itu!!!
Oki doki…. Snap-snap-sna…….p
Aku ga munafik aku juga ingin menikah, merasakan jatuh cinta,,,falling in love gitu loh, disayang-sayang, ada yang perhatian. Karena memang cinta itu membuat manusia lebih dewasa, berpikir lebih matang, menghargai orang lain, setidaknya belajar menghargai orang yang dicintainya (hehehe), tapi…. Entah kenapa lalu dibenakku muncul pertanyaan,,,bagaimana aku bisa menemukan cinta itu…(be.. ngomongin cinta gw!!!) jujur sudah sejak dulu aku ingin merasakan jatuh cinta, tapi takut kalau cinta itu menjerumuskan ke jurang yang salah, walaupun sudah sangat sering aku terpeleset! (ups,,,untung Cuma kepeleset, ga sampe masuk jurang low,, Alhamdulillah) aku masih terus berfikir,,,ALLOH masih sayang sama aku, itu pikiran positifku, amin Allahuma amin…
Sering aku jatuh suka (kalo ada jatuh cinta,knp nggak jatuh suka!?) ke beberapa orang, tapi itupun hanya sekedar suka, habis suka yang satu, terus nemu satu lagi yang bagus jadi berpaling dari yg sebelumnya, terus jalan nemu yang lebih bagus lagi berpaling lagi dr sebelumnya, terus nemu yang sangat bagus dan berpikir itu yang terakhir untuk kesekian kalinya, dan terus berjalan ke depan menemukan yang lain dan begitu seterusnya hehehe maaf ya teman-teman,,,, sampai suatu ketika I just passing acquitances dengan seseorang yang awalnya kuanggap hanya sebuah kesalahan dan kemudian terpeleset lah aku(istighfar), aku yang seperti ini belum pernah merasakan yang namanya jatuh cinta,,,benar-benar jatuh cinta (ALLOH ampuni aku….).
Aku tidak menganggap dia sesuatu yang penting awalnya, kita hanya acquitances and then just communication, and now maybe he disappear, and I do realize how much I hate him while he is ‘here’. Tapi kemudian aku berusaha berfikir aku tidak punya perasaan apa-apa tentang dia, aku hanya anggap dia teman, hanya butuh teman, waktu pun berlalu, seiring dengan itu aku menjalani kehidupanku, juga dia. Aku nggak ngerti karena di saat itu aku mulai menyadari sesuatu, sesuatu yang penting dalam kehidupan, sesuatu yang membuat kita tersenyum, tertawa, bahagia, karena dia hadir dalam hidupku, aku merasa menjadi seorang wanita dewasa yang bijak, bahagia (aduh semoga aku nggak lebayyy,,habis nulis ini aku jadi huwek huwek senidri), aku lebih mencintai keluargaku, saudara2, teman2, entah perasaan seperti apa itu yang telah merasuki jiwa dan pikiranku.
Tapi kemudian aku tidak berani mengambil kepastian dari semua itu, walaupun sampai sekarang aku masih berpikir itu adalah ‘sesuatu’ yang penting. Tapi Biarkanlah aku hanya mengambil dampak baik itu untuk sekarang ini,,,, dan kemudian aku menyerahkan segala sesuatu kepada-NYA. Menjadi bagian dari kisah hidupku. Tidak apa walau ada sakit di hatiku yang kurasa, tapi tak apa, aku masih baik-baik saja, karena aku hidup karena-NYA. ALLOH sayangi aku, aku tidak ingin terjerumus dalam cinta buta yang stuck pada itu saja, yang menjadikan cinta seperti itu untuk solusi dari suatu kehidupan (na’udzubillahi min dzalik), aku sadar aku hanya manusia. Astagfirullah hal’azim. Entah bagaimana,,tapi thaks to ALLOH for give me a chance to know someone like him. (aduh habis nulis ini aku malu, aku malu… pada semut merah, hehehe)
NAIVE ME… ^.^

my baby pocoyo :)

2009-04-17T13:22:00.000+07:00

my baby pocoyo its learn to grown up hwahaha

wat is that?!!

I LOVE YOU..... ku ingin menjadi penghuni firdausNya bersamamu

2009-03-29T00:16:00.000+07:00

Bismillah....

satu lagi surat yang kutemukan berkat beres kamar

adikku.....
Kenapa kita mesti gelisah
Ketika kita tahu dan sadar bahwa Alloh senantiasa mengiringi langkah kita
Dia akan selalu memberi apa yang terbaik untuk kita
Dia selalu tahu apa yang kita butuhkan
Dia selalu memberi apa yang kita perlukan

adikku.....
Kenapa mesti resah
Ketika semua usia masih selalu ada di jalanNya
Ketika desah nafas selalu diiringi tasbih untukNya
Ketika denyut nadi masih mengalir untuk menyapaikan kalimatNya
Dan seluruh jasad penuh ketundukan hanya untukNya

adikku......
Kenapa mesti gundah gulana
Masih juga melanda jiwa
Ketika kita yakin melangkah untuk menegakkan dakwahNya
Dan berkorban jiwa, raga, waktu dan tenaga untuk memperjuangkan apa yang sesuai dengan idealisme kita

adikku....
Kenapa mesti berduka
Dengan segala permasalahan yang melingkupi hidup kita
Ketika masih ada saudara di sekitar kita
Yang akan mengusap duka
Dan menebarkan tawa bahagia
Saudara yang se-ia se-kata
Saudara seperjuangan
Saudara yang seiring seperjalanan
Saudara yang akan siapmemelukmu
Siap untuk menampung segala keluh-kesahmu

adikku.....
Untukmu kutuliskan risalah ini
Semoga bisa meneguhkan tekadmu
Semoga bisa menguatkan langkahmu
Semoga keresahanmu bisa teralirkan
Semoga kegundahanmu bisa kau arahkan
adikku......
Sepenuh hati untukmu dan karenaNya selalu terlantun kata........... I LOVE YOU
Karena ku ingin menjadi penghuni firdausNya bersamamu

-sepucuk surat sepenggal cinta dari mbak irna-
ehehe jadi malu aku....

Jangan menghalalkan berbagai hal

2009-03-28T23:56:00.000+07:00

Bismillah.... :D

pas lagi beres-beres kamar aku menemukan surat dari seorang teman sma-ku yang isinya :

Semoga kita tidak menghalalkan berbagai cara untuk mengejar target kita. Cara yang syubhat apalagi jelas tidak boleh jangan dilegalkan demi kepuasan batin yang ada, nanti tiba saatnya kita benar-benar tidak tahu mana yang boleh dan tidak boleh karena hati kita udah sering "dipaksa" menuruti keinginan kita.

i just want to say, thanks lel, 4 all ur word n ur pray 4 me,,, just keep praying 4 me, karena ternyata mempertahankan apa yang kita percayai dan mengamalkannya tidak semudah yang ku kira

a view from candi sambi sari

2009-01-25T10:53:00.000+07:00

this view is taken from Candi Sambi Sari-Yogyakarta

chotto romatique klo bahasa jepangnya,,, agak2 sedikit romantis gitu loh,,, coz banyak butterfly (margarin terbang,,hwehehe gubrak!!) beterbangan

Surat dari seorang sister di Ghaza...(Must Read and Forward it)

2009-01-20T11:01:00.000+07:00

Assalamualaikum

Saudaraku muslim dan muslimah, dalam kesempatan ini aku ingin mengirim pesan dari saudaramu di Ghaza. simaklah kondisi kami dan sampaikan kepada siapa saja entah itu orang yang kalian kenal ataupun yang tidak kalian kenal
Situasi yang kami hadapi mengerikan namun iman kami kuat, Alhamdulillah meskipun kami tidak memiliki air yang memadai dan kalaulah ada, air itu sudah terpolusi dan kami tidak memiliki uang untuk membeli air mineral. ketika kami memiliki uang maka oang yang menjualnya menyampaikan bahwa terlalu bahaya untuk mereka berjalan keluar dan mendapatkan supplai. Kami tidak memiliki gas dan ini sudah berlangsung sejak 4 bulan terakhir. kami hanya bisa memasak sedikit makanan diatas tungku tungku yang sudah kami siapkan.Para keluarga laki laki kami telah kehilangan pekerjaannya. mereka menghabiskan keseharian mereka dirumah. Suamiku pergi seharian dari satu tempat ke tempat lain hanya demi mendapatkan (kebutuhan) dasar air. Biasanya dia kembali ke rumah dengan tangan hampa. Tidak ada sekolah, tidak ada bank, dan Rumah sakitpun jarang yang buka. kami selalu sadar bahwa nyawa kami terancam setiap kali kami keluar rumah. Mereka (zionis) memberikan jam malam antara pukul 1 hingga 4 sore. kami bisa keluar dalam keadaan aman untuk mendapatkan supplai, kata mereka, tapi itu semua bohong! seringnya jutsru mereka menggunakan kesempatan itu untuk menambah jumlah syuhada dalam daftar mereka.kami makan sehari nasi dan sehari roti. Daging dan susu adalah kemewahan. mereka menggunakan senjata perang kimia di area perbatasan.setelah semua ini kami diberitahu bahwa orang orang di seluruh dunia berdemo. MashaAllah! Fakta bahwa kalian pergi ke kedutaan2 dan meninggalkan rumah rumah kalian membuat kami merasa bahwa kami tidak sendiri dalam perjuangan ini.tetapi kalian bisa pulang ke rumah dan mengunci rumah kalian. Sedang kami....Kami tidak bisa melakukan itu. Tiap malam aku harus meninggalkan rumahku yang berada di lantai 2 dan tinggal bersama saudara perempuanku di lantai dasar. Jika ada serangan maka lebih cepat bagi kami untuk meninggalkan (gedung) dari lantai dasar.ya..Kami lelah, ketika kami mendengar roket dan bom serta melihat pesawat pesawat yang terbang mendekati gedung, aku menjerit bersama anak laki lakiku yang masih muda dan suamiku merasa tidak mampu melakukan apa apa.Dalam hal ini tidak ada yang bisa menyelamatkan kami selain Allah. Tetapi ummah juga bertanya tanya dimana tentara tentara kaum muslimin, dimana kemenangan itu? Jangan lupakan kami karena hanya kalianlah yang kami miliki. Sadaqah baik kalian tidak sampai kepada kami dan ketika mereka membuka perbatasan hanya segelintir orang yang mendapatkan (sumbangan) itu. Tetaplah berjuang di Jalan Allah dan berdoalah agar kemenangan itu segera datang inshaAllah..wassalamsaudaramu Umm Taqi

============
Text In English
============

Asaalam Alykum,My dear sisters and brothers I wanted to take this opportunity to send you a message from the sisters in Gaza . Please hear our situation and tell everyone that you know and dont know. Our situation is dire but our eman is strong alhamdulillah, even though we have no water to speak of, and when we do it is polluted and we have no money to buy mineral water. When we find the money those that sell it say that it is too dangerous for them to travel out to get new supplies. We have no gas, and have not had for the last four months. We cook the little food we have on real fires that we have learned to prepare. Our men have lost all of their jobs. They spend their days at home now. My husband can spend a day just going from place to place just for the basic need of water. He usually returns empty handed. There are no schools, no banks, hardly any hospitals open. You are constantly aware that you risk your life when you go out and when you are indoors. They give us a curfew between 1-4pm. We can go out, they say, in safety to get your supplies, but that is a lie. They have ofetn used that opportnity to add more shuhada to their list.We eat one day rice and one day bread. Meat and milk are a luxury. They are using chemical warfare in the areas which are on the borders. All this and we are being told that people demonstrate all over the world. Masha Allah. the fact that you go to embassies and leave your homes makes us feel truely that we are not alone in our struggle.But you go home at night and lock your door. We cannot do that. I have to leave my home on the second floor every night and stay with my sister on the ground floor. Should there be an attack, it's quicker to leave from the ground floor. Yes we are tired. When we hear rockets and bombs and see planes that fly too close to our building, I scream with my young son and my husband feels helpless.In all this there is no one but Allah (swt) that can save us. But the ummah is asking where are the armies, where is the victory. Dont forget us because you are all that we have now. Your kind sadeqat is not reaching us, and when they open borders it only reaches a few. Keep up the work of Allah and pray that th victory will come soon insha Allah.Ws.Your sister umm Taqi.

aku ditolak.....

2009-01-13T17:13:00.000+07:00

hmmmpf.... sedihnya
sore ini hujan turun rintik-rintik,, aku menunggu kedatangan dosen untuk meminta ujian susulan karena kelalaianku tidak mengikuti ujian ketika hari-H, aku bener2 lupa, asli lupa banget, ga tau kalo hari itu ada ujian, sebel kenapa aku ga perhatiin baik-baik jadwal ujian dengan PDnya aku yakin ujian mulai hari selasa jam 10.30, padahal di hari senin jam 08.00 ada ujian teori,,, hiks hiks saking fokusnya aku sama salah satu mata kuliah yang 6 sks aku jadi sama sekali nggak ngeh' kalo hari itu ada ujian
btw, alhasil setelah menunggu 1 jam akhirnya aku bertemu dengan beliau, masuk ke ruangannya dan meminta untuk ujian susulan, bicara baik2 dan beliaupun menjawab dengan baik2 kalau aku tidak dapat mengikuti ujian susulan,,, ha? im shocked! hatiku terasa hampa tiba2 (agak lebay sih,,tapi kurang lebih begitulah) aku coba untuk meminta tugas penggantipun tetap tidak diizinkan,,,yah setelah memohon2 akhirnya aku menyerah juga then aku pulang serasa di hantam air hujan (emang lg ujan btw) i know, i c, i got it, i understand, its my fault! so i must learn from that, but it just a little hard 2 accept it! ya Robbi... bantulah hambamu ini...
KEEP PRAY 4 PALESTINE!

pengen buku sirah shahabiyah

2008-12-21T15:22:00.000+07:00

lagi pengen buku sirah shahabiyah-kisah tentang keteladanan para sahabat wanita di jaman Rasul-pokoknya ,,siapa yang mau kasih aku...

desperatly pengen....

ayo siapkan diri ke akhirat

ni salah 1 contoh bukunya,,,ya sebenernya ga harus ini juga ga pa pa,,

gambar ini ku dapet dari link ini

KESABARAN-chairil anwar

2008-12-01T17:51:00.000+07:00

Puisi ini menggambarkan perasaan ku hari ini menjelang petang,,cukup hari ini aja. Btw, btw, Puisi ini pernah dibawain cinta-nya aadc di film aadc hehe….

Kesabaran

Aku tak bisa tidur
Orang ngomong, anjing nggonggong
Dunia jauh mengabur
Kelam mendinding batu
Dihantam suara bertalu-talu
Di sebelahnya api dan abu

Aku hendak berbicara
Suaraku hilang, tenaga terbang
Sudah ! tidak jadi apa-apa !
Ini dunia enggan disapa, ambil perduli

Keras membeku air kali
Dan hidup bukan hidup lagi

Kuulangi yang dulu kembali
Sambil bertutup telinga, berpicing mata
Menunggu reda yang mesti tiba

Maret 1943

nb: the question is... kesabaran itu ada batasnya ga sih??

NISAN-chairil anwar

2008-11-28T21:15:00.000+07:00

untuk nenekanda

bukan kematian benar menusuk kalbu
keridlaanmu menerima segala tiba
Tak kutahu setinggi itu atas debu
dan duka maha tuan bertakhta

Oktober 1942

Puisi ini mengingatkanku pada kematian nenekku.
Sejak lahir aku memiliki sepasang nenek dan kakek.
waktu itu aku masih duduk di bangku Tsanawiyah di yogyakarta, suatu pagi seperti biasa jam 6 pagi aku dan temanku sudah bersiap untuk pergi ke sekolah, kemudian ada yang memanggilku, karena ada telepon dari salah seorang keluargaku. ternyata dia adalah sepupuku yang tinggal di kota yang sama denganku, langsung-to the point dia memberi kabar bahwa nenek telah pulang ke rahmatullah,,,,
‘’a..h i..yy..ya’’ jawabku, (inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un)
aku terdiam, ntah shocked, ntah harus berkata apa, hening, diam, bisu
tatapan mataku pudar, blur, kosong, nafasku,,,
hingga pamong asramaku menyentuh pundakku seperti ingin tahu dan menenangkanku
akupun menengok dan tanpa sadar airmata itu tumpah, tak bisa ditahan
sesenggukan, kebingungan, sengau, bersuara tapi tak masuk di akal
kemudian pamongku menyuruhku untuk menelepon orang tuaku di rumah, akhirnya kuanggukan walaupun sebenarnya akupun tak mengerti untuk apa aku menelepon.
Ketika orangtuaku mengangkat akupun hanya berkata “mak’e (sebutan kesayangan) meni…ng..gal pak”, bapakku pun berkata “iya rin” orangtuaku pun tahu kabar tersebut dari telepon, terdengar suara bapakku bingung karena di pangkuannya ibuku sedang menangis,,,, kamipun menyudahi,,,
Teringat dulu banyak sayang nenek padaku, seperti ketika sehabis shalat idul fitri di kampung nenekku, kita pergi-shalat-bersama, aku-ibuku-nenekku, setelah shalat ada sebaskom besar nasi dan lauk pauk yang ditaruh di tengah shaf shalat (hanya sekedar tradisi di kampung untuk membagikan nasi setelah selesai shalat idul fitri) nenekku pun mengambilnya, berebutan dengan nenek-nenek lain, untukku,,, itu saja. Terekam kuat di memoriku.
Beberapa lama setelah itu, terdengar cerita bahwa nenek memang memiliki keinginan agar kematiannya tidak menyusahkan orang lain. Ketika kejadian itu, nenekku sedang berkunjung ke Jakarta ke rumah anak-anaknya, karena seorang pamanku ada yang baru pulang dari baitul hajj, kemudian ketika pamanku sampai rumah nenekku pun senang tak karuan, ia member tahu seisi rumah, dengan gaya bicaranya yang keras dan lantang, ia naik ke lantai 2 dan kemudian jatuh, kebetulan memang beliau memiliki jantung yang tidak kuat untuk terlalu sedih ataupun bahagia, seisi rumahpun kaget dan panic, menyentuh dan memangil-manggil nenekku, kakekkupun menenangkannya, syahadat dan beliau (nenek) pergi dengan tenang ke rahmatullah (amin), acara yang tadinya untuk menyambut kepulangan paman dari mekkah berubah menjadi kepergian nenek dari dunia fana, begitu yang kudengar dan pahami kurang lebih Allahua’lam bisshowab. Kakekku pun menyusul beberapa bulan setelah itu (bismillah berdoa untuk mereka).
sungguh kematian benar rahasia ilahi……

memang bukan kematiannya namanya kalau tidak menusuk kalbu, ikhlas, kita diciptakan seperti ini untuk nanti hanya menjadi debu, sedih diatasnamakan untuk kepergian orang yang kita sayangi

maaf untuk kesalahan kata

just the beginning

2008-11-28T15:16:00.004+07:00

salam... hai blogger,,just made u this day,,,n still hav no idea what 2 share